Feeble Foibles & Follies

Launched a New Web Site: www.pawsforpyro.com

2012-01-17T19:36:00.005-05:00

I have been negligent in writing this blog for quite some time. It is not because I have stopped doing silly, stupid stuff, it's just that I stopped broadcasting about it. I figure it will catch up to me soon enough without any flaunting about it from me direct.

I have entered into a new phase of this kind of forced retirement. I am embarking on a new career in pyrography which has me burning portraits of animals onto wooden plaques. My new website is www.pawsforpyro.com

I hope you will check it out and help to spread the word.

Xmas2010

2010-11-30T17:52:00.001-05:00

Colorful Ornaments Christmas

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Cougar vs. Rat

2010-07-05T10:42:00.003-04:00

My sis lives in the state of Arizona in a gated community with many walls partitioning off one yard from the next. She has learned to pretty much ignore the howls of coyotes at night. Also lizards she got used to, but she is fearful of the newest community denizen, a mountain lion. There

are sightings every day along a particular patch of road with access to a desert like field. This cat has been seen jumping over 7 foot fences like it wasn't even there! My sister travels this location both to and from work and is always on the look out. Well, a few days ago she spotted him! She was so excited! She has been riding around with her camera in the front seat to take a photo if she was lucky enough to see him. But when the time came, she was too mesmerized to fumble for her camera for fear of loosing sight of such a magnificent animal. I must admit, it is easier to be brave while sitting safely ensconced in a SUV so she is both fearful and fascinated at the same time. Me? I am easily amused watching my backyard menagerie of wildlife, however, we have a new visitor I am none to happy about. It appears to be a bird seed eating rat!

I'm No Little Miss Muffet

2010-06-30T14:31:00.003-04:00

I never expected to witness the final death throes of a living being transpire in the confines of my small powder room, but I did. I took note of the smallest of a spider web strung low, almost to the floor, between the waste receptacle and sink cabinet. Caught in it's midst was a rather scrawny moth, not the fat, hairy looking kind, but a much smaller variety. It was desperately flapping its wings in its attempt to be set free. The spider was smaller than even the moth. Since I'd rather side with the underdog, I allowed nature to take its course. Even so, I felt a perverse tug of guilt which seemed so silly under the circumstances. It is said that at any given moment a person is no more than 6 feet away from a spider. So I'd best keep on their good side, is all I'm saying. One cannot be too careful.

All's Well That Ends Well

2010-06-29T08:53:00.005-04:00

Last week I was given a glimpse of a post apocalyptic scenario when the region where I live lost power for days on end. The condition was caused by a sudden swift but fierce storm with hurricane winds, pelting hail and a torrent of rain. Traffic quickly became grid locked when traffic lights no longer fulfilled their function. Stores and offices closed when it became impossible to conduct business. ATM's and cell phones were incapable of completing transactions. Roads were impassable due to degree of destruction of fallen trees and wires. All this occurred within our microcosmic community where we could not buy food nor gas. It gave me pause to wonder what it would be like if the this were to occur nationwide or even involve the entire world. Now that our power has been restored, I can count my many blessings. I cannot begin to fathom what it would be like to have a tornado or floods encompass my limited world. Earthquakes, tsunamis, plagues and pestilence have occurred elsewhere and I pray I will never witness the death and destruction that such catastrophes cause. This realization makes that paltry blackout so insignificant that I feel foolish I thought it was such a big deal when it happened. Makes one feel humble, doesn't it?

Calling All Squirrels

2010-06-26T20:46:00.003-04:00

Our backyard has become a wildlife preserve. Not officially so, but a haven for animals none the less. I know some folk consider squirrels with the same contempt afforded to rodents, but we offer an equal opportunity sanctuary to all furry and feathered friends alike. As of today, I can report three different varieties of squirrel: gray, black and the newest addition, a red one. The red fella looks rather youngish and is as quick as greased lightening. I will continue to watch for him and will try to get a picture of the silly little scamp. Now all we need to complete our menagerie would be the addition of a flying squirrel. Okay, Rocky, come out, come out, where ever you are.

Role Reversal

2010-06-25T19:15:00.002-04:00

When my Mother helped me pick out training bras, I never thought I'd ever see the day when I'd be picking out men's undershirts for her to be wearing some 50 years later. There is something very wrong with this. Apparently, 90 year old women no longer wear brassieres. Wow, there is a word not used very often these days! I suspect that type of support is no longer indicated thus allowing said appendages to be allowed to all hang out. Maybe out is not the proper word to be used here. Hang down may be the more adequate description. So when the aide at my Mother's Retirement Community, requested me to supply her with the said missing articles of clothing, I agreed to carry out the mission. Only now I am having reservations. Should I buy short or no sleeved shirts? She just doesn't seem to be the type to be wearing the wife beater's version.

Do Birds Get Cold Feet?

2010-06-22T15:59:00.002-04:00

I have been enjoying watching the birds drinking and taking baths in the birdbath outside my kitchen window. It requires being filled twice a day since the water gets dirty from it's many bathers of all different sizes and varieties. In this extreme heat and high humidity, even the birds must feel it since so many of them are opening their beaks as if to breathe through their mouths. Well, my hubby decided they deserve a treat, so he filled the birdbath with ice cubes. I have yet to see any reaction, so the verdict is still out on this one. I best get back to watching again before the ice melts. I hope this doesn't cause any birds to fly South prematurely.

Shine Little Glow Worm, Glimmer, Glimmer

2010-06-21T16:12:00.006-04:00

With yesterday being the first official day of summer, I spent the lengthening twilight hour in my backyard playing catch with my dogs, Moose and Ralfee the lil savage. At 8 PM, it was tranquil and comfortable with a slight breeze to make it a relaxing end to a much hotter day. I do not allow the dogs to be as active during the heat of the day. What amazed me beyond belief were the number of lightning bugs emerging from the grass covered earth. There must have been hundreds in our immediate vicinity. Ralfee, the pug, was so fascinated with them, he made me laugh. He would run up as they flew off in the air trying to get a taste of what a fire fly would taste like. When sighted on a blade of grass, he would get up as close as possible to try to get a whiff of that lightning bug smell. I couldn't help but wonder how many of those glowing little creatures it would take to light up a pug belly. Even though I know it not to be possible, it is an entertaining thought just the same. After all, I remember as a little girl, that fire flies must be as magic as Tinkerbelle, who was able to blink with a light that could activate the imaginations of all the little children around the world.

Daddy Dearest

2010-06-20T14:42:00.004-04:00

My Father was 20 years older than my Mother. He was 47 when I was born, the age some people become grandparents. Unfortunately, the toll of cigarette smoking, made him appear even older than his years. His emphysema became so bad, he could not walk far. But as a little girl, I always looked up to him and fondly remember the nicknames he'd call me like "my little nick nook" and "my little monkey". On this Father's Day, I feel content in knowing that my Dad is forever near and watches over me. He never met his grandchildren, but I know they would make him proud. Happy Father's Day, Daddy. I still miss you after 38 years.

Good Old Days Left Behind

2010-06-19T11:07:00.004-04:00

I am traveling back over the years as far back as I can remember. Back to the time before TV, when milkman delivered milk right to your front door with cardboard tops that could become askew as the cream rose to the top or became frozen in the winter. When the coal truck delivered coal which tumbled down the coal chute to the furnace in the basement. When the telephones had party lines and a dime would buy you a bag full of penny candy. The possibilities of technology such as we have today, where not even fathomable. Computers were as far flung as a man walking on the moon. I was riveted to the first black and white television I saw at my neighbor's house. To think now in five brief decades, we have advanced to hi def on screens producing images bigger than life for home viewing. Not to mention the advances in medicine! Without my artificial joints, I'd be wheel chair bound! I find life so incredible these days, it boogles the mind. So when I hear it spoken about the good old days, I sigh in relief that I have left them behind and am grateful for these good new days instead.

Back by Popular Demand

2010-06-18T09:45:00.002-04:00

Okay, so it is more like two people inquired recently about me updating my blog. How big must a populace be before considered popular demand? I say more than one, so here it goes.

I've been rather housebound since my surgery in April, so it is hard to report on stupid things people do as they age when I am not doing much of anything. Having said that, I can report on dumb things hubby does which leaves a full range of stupid stuff open for scrutiny. Why just this morning, I was informed that the most highly sanctified of all objects was lost and no where to be found. I duly double checked all the usual hidey holes of ill repute only to come up empty handed. Not under the couch, not in the drawers, not under the cushions of the furniture, moved coffee table and not under there. Looked in bathroom, bedroom, basement, refrigerator and even outside on the deck. Nada. Just when I stopped looking, I nonchalantly open the oven door, and there staring me squarely in the eyes, it appears. The one and only, all purposeful and authority ruler of them all.....the TV remote control! I am so happy, I did not need to pre-heat the oven! He's never going to live this one down. HA!

No Medal Contender Here

2010-02-18T23:06:00.002-05:00

Okay, so I am watching all these young, buff athletes competing in the Olympics in Vancouver and I am beginning to feel a tad old and a bit out of shape. Perhaps that is putting it mildly. I am as old as the Man in the Moon and there is no descriptive word to describe the shape I am in. Having said that, I cannot even fathom throwing my weight down the side of a mountain and expecting to stop at the bottom. Then there are those mongul races where you are expected to kiss your knees goodbye cause I wouldn't expect to find them ever again having put them through that. Thank goodness I have no desire to luge, bobsled, ski jump, curl or snowboard. Come to think of it, I'll remain content to watch the events from the comfort of my own recliner and leave the winning of gold medals to those deserving to do so.

A Colder Cold

2010-02-09T11:35:00.005-05:00

It has been said, that this winter is becoming a record year for snow fall in the area where I live. Currently, we are expecting even more of the white stuff within the next 24 to 48 hours, while we still have 2 feet of it left on the ground. It seems to me when I was a child, we got much more snow that was even deeper than anything we have experienced recently. In my child's eye, I recollect trudging through avalanches of frozen tundra well above my knees, while collecting slush in my boots, all the way to my school which was seldom ever closed. Since I lived within walking distance, I never had the excuse of the bus not showing up in a reasonable amount of time thus allowing one to return home with a clear conscience. No, indeed, I had to stomp, stomp, stomp, trudge, trudge, trudge all the way to school all bundled up in leggings, parka, scarves, boots, hat and mittens with a runny nose while clutching a sodden lunch bag. Often times, getting there to find teachers were unable to get in, so I was sent back home only to change into dry clothes and be sent outside again to play. I realize in retrospect that the snow may not have been as high as I remembered it to be, just as surely as it was not an up-hill trudge to school in both directions. But one thing I know for sure, now that I've gotten older, is it feels colder to me now than it ever did way back when. Cold is definitely colder than it used to be.

Hello to Benguet, Philippines!

2010-02-03T10:24:00.005-05:00

I can't help but to notice I have a loyal visitor from Benguet in the Philippines that checks in several times a day even though I have not been blogging very often. I just wanted to say hello to you and suggest that you comment on my blog so you can introduce yourself. I'm curious to find out what the draw is to my mundane ramblings to entice you to visit so often? If you too have a blog, let me know so I can check it out. Feel free to visit as often as you like and I apologize for not posting on a more regular basis.

Sisters to the Core

2010-01-29T10:09:00.004-05:00

I wouldn't say my sister and I are all that competitive, more like open to the powers of suggestion. She usually calls me on her drive home from work. Since her time is 2 hours behind, this means I usually have just finished eating dinner. She needs to know what I had to eat and when I tell her, this makes her crave the very same thing. If she doesn't have it at home, she stops at the grocery store. So this is the way it is between us. Well, the other day she told me she ordered something from QVC, so I looked it up online. Yep, you got it! I ordered the very same thing. What you might ask? Nothing less than 1 Total Core Abdominal Machine with Slim Down DVD and meal plan. Wish us luck!

Counting Sheep

2010-01-22T03:00:00.000-05:00

Sleep alludes me. Try as I might. Listening to house noise trying to decipher the sounds. Eyes feel heavy yet can't keep them closed. Quieting thoughts a laborious process. Weeding the mind of unwanted growth. Encouraging tranquillity and relaxation. Willing stillness of body and soul. Surrounded by darkness yet exuding warmth. Uncertain of my wants and needs but allowing security to claim any insecurities. To find peace in dreams. Conscience a mere protocol. Lapses of memory but a residue. Fading into oblivion. Sleep is nigh.

The Nine Lives of a Cat

2010-01-19T13:21:00.004-05:00

If I were a cat, I am unsure how many lives I would have left, however, since I last wrote, I lost one life of a cat by surviving a car accident. Each cat life lost is a new appreciation for living so I have renewed my vows for gratitude and living in the present moment. We need reminders every now and then. I sustained four fractures, but by fracture standards since non-displaced, they are not significant enough to require casting or surgery to recover. Just time, rest and rehab. Unfortunately, the older we get the longer it takes. If I were a child, this would be a mere bounce of a ball. Suffice it to say, this old ball has become rather deflated and won't bounce too high anymore. Not that I'm complaining mind you. My life has plenty of omph left for me to be living in the fullest. And as far as how many cat lives are left, I'd rather not know, but take encouragement that cats always land on their feet when they fall.

The World is Now a Safer Place

2009-08-24T12:50:00.002-04:00

I just completed an online course for Disaster Preparedness. Now don't get your hopes up. It was only an hour's worth of info so don't expect me to dismantle a bomb or have the antidote for antrax or anything.

No Suckers for Me

2009-08-14T14:32:00.004-04:00

I do enjoy Facebook to keep in touch with friends and family. That said, I do not understand the appeal of Farmtown, Mafia Wars and sending eggs and lollipops. What's the point? I almost resent that nonsense cluttering up the boards. I can block it I know but that blocks that friend altogether I do believe. So I put up with it. Perhaps someday when I become so decrepit I can do nothing but stare at my computer all day, I may just try those fun and games but I am not quite there yet.

Live & Learn

2009-08-08T08:07:00.003-04:00

I got a new stove. The old one became unreliable. When the burner did not heat up, you had to thump the element with the flat of your hand pushing it toward the place where it connects to the range. Even then it would not always stay hot. Not only that, it was getting ugly looking and harder and harder to keep clean. The new one has a ceramic top and a convection oven. All this time, I thought it was called a confection oven to bake cakes and cookies. The flat line of my learning curve has peaked for the day.

Looking Over a Four Leaf Clover

2009-07-22T09:46:00.003-04:00

Going outside to play ball with the dog this morning, I had a flashback. I was noticing all the clover growing in one particular portion of the yard. I found myself purposefully trying to find a four leaf clover when I was reminded you don't always find what you look for until you stop looking. When I was a little girl of 8 or 9 at the time, I tripped coming out of the side door of my house, where there were no steps fortunately. I tumbled out onto the grass and when I opened my eyes, there was a four leaf clover smack dab in front of my face. I often thought about that fortuitous fall and realize some times, when you are down and out, all you have to do is open your eyes to the possibilities you were unable to see from a higher perspective. That little tiny amount of hope equated in one four leaf clover can be the inspiration for unlimited possibilities. To think that I had to fall to find what I could not find when I was looking for one.

Not Wanting to Offend a Stranger

2009-07-20T11:55:00.003-04:00

While in a hospital elevator, I noticed a man who was a dead ringer for Michael Jackson's father, Joe. Normally, if I thought someone bore a resemblance to someone famous, I might make mention of it. But in this case, I was uncertain if someone would consider it a compliment or an insult, so I thought best to keep my mouth shut.

Dead Give-Away Lost on Me

2009-07-19T08:41:00.003-04:00

The other day, my husband asked if I knew who Oz was and I said I did. He then goes on to say he watched Oz on Oprah. (Now this should have been the dead give away but I had had a long day.) According to Oz, every man should take certain vitamins for optimal health. Here I was thinking to myself, why would anyone give credence to someone who looked and acted like Ozzy Osbourne? I kept my mouth shut and only later did it dawn on me he had been talking about Dr. Oz.

Lazy Hazy Crazy Days of Summer

2009-07-16T11:12:00.003-04:00

I've taken a sabbatical without actually meaning to do so. Life just got in the way is all. And to think I hadn't realized I had much of a life at all, but I guess I must. For all the trivial stuff to mount up to one massive blob of trivialtravity. (If that isn't a word, it should be.) I should not complain that I have been working too much cause I am grateful to have a job when so many are losing theirs. I should not complain about anything at all cause many people are far worse off. So if I am not heard from, from time to time, it's cause I am enjoying life in the slow lane. You know... those lazy, hazy, crazy days of summer.

Susie Sells Shells at the Sea Shore

2009-06-22T22:27:00.008-04:00

Here I am at the shore in Ocean City, New Jersey and racking my brain trying to come up with something to write about. I traipsed around the boardwalk admiring or disapproving of the various fashion statements of the day. I think things like when I was their age, I looked as good as they do and I could have worn that in my time. I also compare myself to people my own age and think I look younger than they do or I am not as heavy as that. Of course, if they are younger and thinner than myself, I just ignore them to look for the more decrepid so I can feel more superior. Tomorrow, I plan on going to the beach so I can think malicious thoughts like with knockers like that, they will be hanging to her knees when she is my age. Just let her jog like that then and she will be giving herself black eyes....HA!

Low & Behold

2009-06-20T08:00:00.001-04:00

My Mother's room mate, although 92, appears to be quite with it, as I had determined while watching birds visit the bird feeder outside her window. I remarked about the red winged blackbirds that I do not see from my locale, a mere 10 miles away. The room mate was quick to announce that they were nothing compared to the white peacocks that visited upon occasion. At this point, I doubted her reliability since surely white peacocks were not likely to visit. As I was leaving, I inquired at the Nursing Desk if my Mom's room mate was entirely lucid and was assured she was, so I mentioned the white peacocks. Low and behold, a neighboring property did possess said peacocks, so I smiled glad to think the age of 92 is obtainable without lapse of mental facilities. I only wish that could be said for my Mother.

Grown Up at Last

2009-06-19T08:00:00.002-04:00

When I visited my mother, who is a resident at Willowbrooke Court, which actually is as lovely as it sounds, it took a while for her to identify me by whom I was not. My sister is not my Mother nor am I my deceased Aunt. I am not Eva, a childhood friend. Finally, she admitted having a daughter by my name but looked incredulous when I told her that was me. She looked at me hard and said without batting an eye....."You grew up!"

Come Again Some Other Day

2009-06-18T13:59:00.003-04:00

Today, when I was taking a shower, I thought what's the point of getting out? It's been raining outside for days now so why not stay in here where I can control the water temperature and not have to deal with umbrellas. This made sense to me until I started to feel guilty for using so much water in my solitary pursuit. Perhaps if I was sharing the shower, I could rationalize staying in longer but that was not the case. So I got out of the shower. Then I thought, why bother drying off since I will be getting wet when I go out. Why bother drying my hair when it too will only be getting wet again. Then reality set in and I realized just how wet can one person get walking only 30 feet outside to get into a car? Rain, rain, go away. You are making me water logged and soggy in the head!

Woe is Me!

2009-06-14T14:16:00.004-04:00

All along, I thought tobacco addition would be the only addition for me to overcome. And I did do that when the nicotine patch first came out about 15 + years ago or it seems to me. Having fought that battle more than once, I was determined to do it permanently that time and I did! I then felt the superiority of accomplishment that only an ex-smoker can experience and it did cause me to look down upon cigarette smokers at large. They were so duped! How stupid were they to penalize their own health. But what just happened to me I did not see coming. I got sucked into the Internet vortex so much so that when my Fios connection went phooey and I lost not only my phone and TV but also my computer access, I felt crazed!! Horror of horrors! Not for one day but for five whole days! It will not be fixed until Tuesday, so as you can tell, I am posting from where I work. I wish I had a computer patch to get me over this void. And a Head's Up: Verizon looks good until you need servicing.

Cause Your Face Looks Like This

2009-06-08T08:22:00.003-04:00

Over the week end, I played toss the beach ball with an energetic six year old. Well, the toss part soon became a version of dodge ball of sorts with goals to win points. His goal line was anything I could not reach and my goal line was the opening of a pop up tent. See the problem here? Is it no wonder Wonder Boy was winning this game? At some point, I was asked if I was having fun. Sure, I said, why do you ask? Cause your face looks like this, I was told. Well, it didn't look like that for long cause that kid sure does know how to make me smile.

Spring Fever

2009-06-06T19:26:00.006-04:00

Optimism. That is what I call this idea of starting a post with nary an idea of what to write. It has always been a challenge to find the words to fill a blank page. In this month of June, where green proliferation abounds, surely I should find a plethora of subjects to expound at great lengths. Not so, unfortunately. So I will plead being a victim of Spring Fever. I best do this before Summer arrives and I loose the excuse. This is the time of year to daydream afterall. I rest my case. Think I'll go watch the birds.....

Speed Racer

2009-06-03T22:06:00.004-04:00

I was just asked if I "feel the need for speed". Of course, it was a TV commercial which makes me think no one really cares what my answer might be. But why ask something if no response is required? Now I am left pondering this query trying to decide if I need speed or not. And once I come to my conclusion, whom do I tell? Will my desire for speed qualify me as an astronaut for Nasa's Space Shuttle program? Actually, the commercial was for the Philadelphia Bike Race and not some illicit market for methamphetamine. At my age, the need for speed would probably classify me as some space cadet whose only speedy need would be a hopped up rocking chair.

Invitation to Disaster

2009-05-31T07:39:00.005-04:00

Yesterday, I had opportunity to watch some of the"Man vs Wild" Marathon on the Discovery Channel with Bear Grylls. It made me realize I had better not be left stranded anywhere anytime soon. I doubt if I could survive being locked out of my own house much less forced to spend a night in a rain forest or some desert out in the middle of nowhere. Watching Bear trudging through fetid swamps eating lizards and snakes doe not inspire me to become more adventuress in the least. I wonder why a mother would name some kid Bear in the first place? I think she was inviting disaster by making him live up to her expectations. Had she named him Bob that show wouldn't even exist.

More Exciting then Watching Paint Dry: Watching Weeds Grow!

2009-05-30T06:46:00.005-04:00

I know I have disappointed my legions of fans (all nine of you) by being remiss in my blogging duties but when it is nice out I want to watch the sun shine. There have been countless reasons for my absence such as my dog Moose expects me to scratch him whenever I am awake and in his proximity. Even when it is dismal outside such as it has been the last few days I feel compelled to walk around the house looking for stuff to do so I can sufficiently ignore my household responsibilities until I fear an avalanche of dog hair may suffocate me and my family. I also find it necessary to watch my garden grow so I can obsess whether what is sprouting is a weed or not. An exciting addition to my gardening prowess is that nifty little over advertised technologically advanced device which enables one to grow things upside down! I think I may just have hit upon a new time saver which may afford me more time in which to blog. I have given up using commas in my post. I can now stop grueling over where a comma is appropriate or not. Phew! What a relief!

Happy Memorial Day!

2009-05-25T07:30:00.004-04:00

I'm a firm believer every thing you need to know can be found online. Not so with hubby. Although he has learned how to turn on his own little notebook, he still prefers hard copies, that is books over cyberspace. Ever since his brain surgery last fall, he has become somewhat obsessive- compulsive. What ever he does, he throws himself in hook, line and sinker. Case in point: landscaping the front yard. He's bought upteen books on flowers, lawns, trees and scrubs. He is out there after dark working with the lights on. Yet another thing he did was run electricity out there. He put outlets all over the front of the house so we won't have to use extension cords to decorate at Christmas. We had a new front porch build and pavers put down. I must admit it is a BIG improvement even if has has gone overboard with the flowers and pots. Today, being Memorial Day, I opened the front door to find he must have gone out after dark and planted at least 25 flags all over the front yard. So here is a pic. He still has to do the grass and mulch. I feel like I need to sing the National Anthem in my own front yard.

Decisions, Decisions....

2009-05-21T13:02:00.004-04:00

Mail order catalogues always seem to end in the powder room where it seems I have more time to ponder what I need. This morning, I can't decide which tee shirt I can't live without. "Just another poo flingin' day in the jungle," I believe in making sacrifices. Can I start with you?", "If I am talking, why aren't you taking notes?", "Yet, despite the look on my face, you are still talking", "I have no idea what I am doing out of bed", "How did you get past my spam folder?", "On a clear night I can hear the fish laughing", "I am a bad ass. You're just an ass", "To err is human. To arrrr is pirate", "There's no place like home. Go there.", "Mine is not one of those fancy self cleaning houses". I think perhaps my favorite: "The Queen is not amused!"

My Dog is Amazing

2009-05-17T18:10:00.003-04:00

The other day, I went out side to play ball with Moose, my Golden Retriever, who lives for tennis balls to chase. I threw one ball out into the yard but it never came down. Had to go inside to get another ball. A few days later, Moose is walking under the magnolia tree looking up at the branches. Lo and behold. he stares at something and starts barking his fool head off. How Moose was able to spy a green tennis ball caught in a branch with all those green leaves, I'll never know. We did manage to get it down so Moose once again could be reunited with his beloved tennis ball.

Nothing to Sneeze At

2009-05-16T18:52:00.004-04:00

A sneeze can be cathartic. You get an itchy nose, sneeze and it is gone. Sneezes can also sneak up on you and catch you unaware. A sneeze can have a dark connotation, which is why people say "God bless you" to ward off evil spirits. But what I fear about a sneeze is a car accident. Since it is impossible to sneeze without closing your eyes, I worry that some unforeseen clamity will occur at exactly that precise moment. I have yet to drive off the road or side swipe anyone, not due to a sneeze yet anyway, but that doesn't mean it can't still happen. I would also be leary of having surgery by a surgeon with hay fever. Can't be too careful, you know.

Granny in Waiting

2009-05-12T21:31:00.004-04:00

I am so trying to be the eternal optimist by imagining the prospect of one day becoming a grandmother while I still have the capability of being able to push a baby stroller. I fear the thought of forgetting where I put my grandchild until the baby cries in need of feeding or a diaper change. I want to spoil the child while I still can. My daughter has a cat which is at least warm blooded. Not so with my sons. One has a ball python or a bald python. One or the other, not sure which. My other son has a pet named Snuggles which sounds a bit more charming than it really is. Although it never comes out in the light of day, which suits me just fine. I cannot even imagine snuggling with Snuggles, an Emperor Scorpion. Makes my Wanna Be Grandmotherly Heart swell with pride.

~~Mother's Day Musings~~

2009-05-09T18:53:00.006-04:00

Had only I had been more observant.

Had only I had been more astute.

I wish I had become more like my Mother

Before she forgot to teach me

What needed to be taught.

If I had only.

Cancer is an adversarial foe, but Alzheimer's is the quintessential resignation, the ultimate defeat when you forget how to fight so submit. Allow me to start the fight before the enemy is identifiable. May bitterness not haunt me before my Mother's demise. I cannot blame the blameless. Happy Mother's Day, Mom. Even though you do not remember me, I 'll always remember.

Wish a Nurse a Happy Nurse's Day!

2009-05-06T09:29:00.002-04:00

I think nurses are pretty special people and not because I am one but because I know some pretty amazing people who are. Becoming a nurse is a calling which requires a life long commitment to a passion and dedication of wanting to help mankind overcome pain and disease. The value of service to others is no greater than the value we derive from our ability to serve.

Happy Nurse's Day! Happy Nurse's Week! Nurses rock!

Holy Guacomole!

2009-05-05T09:48:00.004-04:00

It's time to break out the mariachi music, tequila, tacos, burritos, tortillas, moles, rice and beans, tamales and quesadillas. I just realized most of my Spanish knowledge is food based. I've come to appreciate Mexican food more lately. Putting all that aside, Mexico really does have something to celebrate with the abatement of the flu pandemic subsiding dramatically. I wish I knew how to dance Salsa, but the Mexican Hat dance is the best I can do. Happy Cinco de Mayo.

Tit for Tat

2009-05-04T12:19:00.005-04:00

Climbing up the basement steps, I involuntarily let out a bit of a derisive jeer that actually surprised me. I was contemptuously giddy with the idea of what I just did. I hope this does not make me a bad person. No, I did not bury my hubby in the deep dank confines of a murky cellar tomb, but I did do a load of laundry when he was taking a shower. That should teach him to sleep until noon! Serves him right! I am so evil. I hope this doesn't make you change your opinion of me. P.S. If my hubby ever goes missing, no need to dig up my basement, k? Just saying.

All Dressed Up and No Where to Go

2009-05-02T17:40:00.003-04:00

Darn! I missed the hat parade at the Kentucky Derby. I did watch on television but my chance to participate is scrubbed for yet another year. I am rooting for General Quarters though. Good luck, Tom! Now where am I going to wear this hat?

Word for the Day

2009-05-01T09:46:00.003-04:00

I just found a new word I never knew existed! It is not a long word or highly technical in the least. It is rather comical actually and not in the way it sounds. Allow me to put it into a sentence and see if you can pick it out. You may only identify it cause you won't know what it means. At least that was the case with me anyway. I would like to create a rise in my readership by being risible. Well, there it is....risible. I could tell you what it meant, but is is more risible not to.

Mystery Gardening

2009-04-28T09:54:00.004-04:00

You know those seeds I toiled in the soil to plant a few weeks ago? Well, the seeds must have been defective cause surely it was not my planting skills, leaving them out at night when it was too cold or my forgetting to water them that hindered their germination. Not to mention, I neglected to label what they were and where I planted them thinking I'd remember what they were and where I planted them. HA! I did not! So maybe it was merciful that the seeds did not sprout, otherwise, I'd have tomatoes growing in my flower beds and Dianthus Deltoides growing in my vegetable garden. I do have a couple of sprouts hardy enough to have emerged though. I wonder what they are? Your guess is as good as mine. Hope it's not a weed.

No Mexico for Me!

2009-04-26T07:45:00.005-04:00

Let's face it, listening to news these days is a scary proposition. Some days, I am not even up to it. Other days, I obsess over it. Recently though, the Swine Flu has caught my attention. Just the name associated with it sounds far more serious than say the Piggley Wiggley Cold or the Porky Pig Bug. There could be varying strengths of it. Like the Piglet vs. Hog variations. This gives a whole new meaning to bringing home the bacon. Hold the mayo and the H1N1 virus please! As if the drug cartel was reason enough to not go to Mexico!

Inequality Among Germs

2009-04-25T07:44:00.004-04:00

Why is it when hubby was sick last week, he could spend 3 days in bed and now that I caught what he gave me, I must be up and about as usual? Is it just mine or is it all men that think a minor cold is something life threatening requiring them to expect that we women were put on this earth to supply them with chicken soup and cough medicine? I mean, I ask for a tissue and you'd think it was a major inconvenience.

Happy Earth Day

2009-04-22T09:06:00.013-04:00

I may be almost as old as dirt

but not as old as Mother Earth!

~Happy Earth Day~

In honor of Earth Day, I have allowed a few choice items to go green in my refrigerator!

Get Your Boob Lube On

2009-04-20T12:36:00.003-04:00

There is a product out called Boob Lube by Save the Ta-tas that I am certain could literally be a life saver if used a directed, which is self breast examination in the shower. But as use as hand soap, it sucks. Although made by the finest ingredients, the scent is not appealing in the least. So by all means, support the ta-tas (pun intended) since they do donate a portion of every sale to breast cancer research, but go with another type of soap for all other purposes. Save the Boob Lube for the ta-tas to save a boob.

Piano Debut

2009-04-19T07:54:00.004-04:00

So yesterday, I decided to check out my potential for being a musical savant. You know, one of those incredibly talented people that have the natural ability to play music without having to take lessons? I sat upon the piano bench, put my hands on the keyboard and waited. I was not inspired. I moved my fingers anyway. Ummm. Guess what? I am not so inclined. So if you were getting your hopes up to be invited to my recital at Carnegie Hall, I wouldn't count on it. Not in the near future anyway.

Saving Face

2009-04-18T07:18:00.005-04:00

The other day, I was out running errands and sitting at a red light, when I noticed a car going cross traffic that was being driven by a woman without a face! I was positively gobsmacked! (I've been wanting to use that word ever since I heard Susan Boyle use it. If you don't know who she is, than by all means google her.) But back to this no face business. I heard face transplants are being performed more often but would hate to think people are destitute enough to part with their face because they lost their job due to the recession. Come on people, loosing face is just an expression and should not be taken literally. Unless you are Hannibal Lecter, that is. I was absolutely pondering all of this when I noticed my right eye was a bit blurry. During allergy season, I'm sure it is relatively common for eyes to accumulate gunk. I had an eye booger! I was so relieved there was an explanation to account for that missing face but I do hope face selling does not become a lucrative profession just the same. I doubt I'd have much to worry about though but Angelina Jolie better hold on to her's!

Who Wants to Look Like This?

2009-04-14T21:10:00.003-04:00

Today, I was forced to look at a Vogue Magazine. Something that normally I would not give the time of day to, since I am so far removed from all that glamor and fancy smancy garb. The alternative would have been to people watch but those in my proximity were too depressing to gawk at. I was in this pseudo kinda gym called physical therapy, which actually was the antithesis of a work out room since probably being unfit is what brought us all together anyway. So rather than surmise why the elderly gentleman was being tortured so to sound like a squealing pig on market day while getting his leg bent backwards, I picked up said stray magazine which was only just a few months old. Who can afford or would want to dress like this? This Halloween parade of anorexic pubescents was surreal. You couldn't work in those clothes. You couldn't be comfortable in those clothes. The only reason for wearing those clothes is to get your picture taken so why bother? If I were to prance around in stilettos like that, surely I'd wind up being crippled in such bodily contortions that even a chiropractor could not untangle me. I'd be in need of medical attention and would end up where I already am. With other patients not wanting to look at me and looking at magazines they were not interested in.

Happy Easter

2009-04-12T08:03:00.003-04:00

I am going to feel blessed. I am going to count my blessings. I am going to be happy. I am going to smile. I am going to laugh. I am going to sing. I am going to skip. I am going to dance. I am going to look for positive things from the past, in the present and in the future. I will find things to celebrate and throw a party. I will show gratitude for all I have and all the people in my life. I will love life and allow it to show!

Day Dream Believer

2009-04-10T21:07:00.002-04:00

I am so much in awe of bloggers who spew forth such random streams of consciousness it appears as a dream sequence or a comedy skit on Saturday Night Live! Unfortunately, my brain is not programmed to work that way, try as I may to trick it into being. The closest thing to it was being on heavy duty pain meds which leads me to wonder what other bloggers do to induce psychedelic visions which are so craftily transformed into such engaging banter? Sometimes the effect is so far fetched it defies plausibility which is exactly why I find it so entertainingly intriguing. Thanks to you all for spicing up my humdrum existence with your witticisms and cock eyed views of the world!

Disappointed Main Line

2009-04-05T07:25:00.004-04:00

I was so sorry for the loss of Villanova against North Carolina in the Final Fours last night. I did try to watch it off and on but the screeching of their shoes on the hardwood floor made me cringe. I did use mute. I went to Nursing School on the Main Line and we girls had a song we sang about the Villanova boys...."Let's have a V for Villanova, I for Intoxication, L for Love and L for Lust, A for Anything Goes, N for Never Spending Money, O for Other Girls, V for Virility and A for Animals!" It's funny the things we remember, when I have trouble remembering what I had for dinner last night.

Stupidity in Advertising

2009-04-04T18:43:00.004-04:00

Why is seeing a couple each in their own bath tub on a beach suppose to be good advertising for Cialis? I don't get it? Is it the daily dose of Cialis that requires the need for more baths to be taken? Is the man taking a cold soaking to keep his lusts at bay? Is the woman taking a nice warm soak to soothe her parts of overused anatomy? Are they sexaholics that sell bathtubs to generate enough money for hubby to take Cialis on a daily basis? There is another ad for a similiar product whose name escapes me, but at least the guy has a big smile on his face. Now that is easier to relate to even if I can't remember what it's called. I do remember Cialis though. Maybe that's the point.

Could Happen to Anybody

2009-03-31T13:06:00.005-04:00

Well, it did not warrant a big belly shaking guffaw accompanied by chortles and cackles with tears streaming down my face, but it did elicit a little smile and chuckle just the same. Yesterday, when I realized my shoe lace had come untied, I bent over to tie my shoe, when I noticed I was wearing two different sneakers. No big deal. No one noticed but me and it wasn't like it was a high heel and a cowboy boot or something. Now that would have been much funnier. Just goes to show I'm still human after all.

Veggie Vexation

2009-03-27T09:35:00.003-04:00

I used to plant a vegetable garden when the kids were young. My mother grew up on a farm, so naturally had a green thumb, but it was not passed on to me. I thought children should witness the miracle of growth. Unfortunately, weeds grow too and I could not convince them it was fun to pull weeds, although they did like to play with the garden hose, primarily to squirt one another. With the price of food going up, I decided it was time to try once more. Seeds were bought and sewn in a small flat covered with a pane of glass. Only time will tell if I am a worthy weed opponent.

Assets vs. Asses

2009-03-23T12:09:00.004-04:00

All this talk about "toxic assets" has me stymied. Even after listening to various so called experts trying to explain it, I am still left scratching my head. One journalist claimed to break it down to the simplest level by the use of apples being affected by worms. You didn't know what you had until you cut into it. If bank held houses were compared to apples, does that mean some houses had termites? See what I mean? Sounds like comparing apples to oranges to me. Now toxic asses I can relate to. I can only admit to being married to one, cause I know he doesn't read my blog. And if he does, I'll soon find out.

Boys Will Be Boys

2009-03-22T19:29:00.005-04:00

I was privy to a conversation between brothers aged 11 and 6. Having two sons of my own, I was not shocked by the content of subject matter. Grossology and boys go hand and hand. The gist of it went something like this: if you had to eat one or the other, which would you rather eat, puke or poop? The older boy wanted to know what was in the vomit. If it contained hot dogs, then definitely he would go for it. Than the younger brother devised one of his own. What would you rather eat: a stinky skunk or your own foot? At the time, I was not in the mood for fun and games, so replied I did not have time to waste thinking about such silly nonsense. Now, I regret I did not make the time. Life is too fleeting and I would definitely not eat my own foot.

I'm Disturbed Enough Already

2009-03-18T20:45:00.005-04:00

I have been made to feel a bit disturbed about a few things of late. One is a commercial I just witnessed showing two pigs dining out on ham of all things! That's just wrong! Then, there is the possible outlawing of Brazilian wax jobs in New Jersey. What's with that? It's a good thing that I live in Pennsy. That's all I'm saying. On top of everything else, the government is looking in to Robotic Dogs! Has anyone else watched the bigdog clips on youtube? This is freaky stuff! It looks like two headless guys carrying a couch! And that hideous buzzing it makes sound like a bee swarm from hell! I fear going to sleep tonight, in case my nightmares will be even scarier than reality.

Picnic Sign Up Sheet

2009-03-18T10:12:00.009-04:00

I was wondering what new claim to fame would top my seeing George Bush Jr. on a plane in Hawaii. Prior to that, I laid claim to once shaking Hilliary Clinton's hand when her husband was still in office. Other than that, my life has been pretty humdrum, until the other day. I made a reference to one of my favorite bloggers Vic 's immense crowd of crazed lunatic followers as Vic's Chicks & Dicks and Vic picked up on that and created Vic's Chix & Dix. I think this would look exceptionally good on tee shirts which we all could wear on our annual Vic's Chix & Dix Fan Club Picnic which should be scheduled very appropriately on April Fool's Day, don't you think? We should start signing up for what each of us should contribute. Put me down for the Styrofoam cups. Vic's neighbor will supply the bananas. Nuff said.

Lost in Space

2009-03-16T10:49:00.004-04:00

Did anyone else see the news segment about that treasure hunter who claims to have discovered a sunken ship using Google Maps and is petitioning the courts for the rights to excavate? It boogles my mind to think the time I spend online could be put to better use by searching for buried treasures. Who knows what fortunes I may have discovered by now? If anyone else has such skills to hone in on lost artifacts, please consider looking for my lost car keys that dh misplaced while I was away on vacation. I've been home a week and still have not located them yet. Just asking.

Mom Morphing

2009-03-13T13:05:00.006-04:00

When I was growing up, I was always told that I took after my father with my big brown eyes, so I am not so sure when I started to morph into becoming my Mom. Whenever I visit my Mom in the Medical Facility of the Lifetime Community Center, which she so looked forward to moving into, everyone recognizes me without being told that I am her daughter. Truth be told, this makes me sad, because my own Mother does not recognize me anymore. Strangers know what she has forgotten. But she is happy, comfortable, and well cared for without a care in the world, so it would appear. As I bid farewell today and looked into her face so much like my own, I told her "I love you, Mom. Now, what do you say back?" Expecting her to say, I love you too, I was taken aback when she looked hopeful that she came up with the right response, "Merry Christmas?" Yes, Mom, Merry Christmas to you too.

Mad Mad Libber on Loose

2009-03-09T22:32:00.006-04:00

I received this weird e-mail offering weekly revenues of 1 to 3k per week. Why would anyone want to do any business with someone who would include this strange post?

"Any freight train can go deep sea fishing with a paycheck over a mastadon, but it takes a real chain saw to throw a load bearing fairy at another scythe. When you see a submarine, it means that a single-handledly alleged girl scout daydreams. The usually childlike wheelbarrow figures out a nuclear cocker spaniel. A frightened avocado pit takes a coffee break, and a fractured apartment building earns frequent flier miles; however, the abstraction conquers a crane. Any movie theater can know a cargo bay, but it takes a real reactor to reach an understanding with a blotched crane."

Paradise Lost

2009-03-07T03:07:00.003-05:00

Unfortunately, all good things must come to an end, vacations not withstanding. It was a very lovely vacation which I can remember fondly. I would love to go back someday. Aloha, Hawaii and mahalo.

Cat Stampede

2009-03-03T20:26:00.006-05:00

R and I took our dinner out to the lanai to eat where it was very peaceful and serene.We had seen one or two feral cats so knew that they were there. R said we must never feed these cats or we would never get rid of them. So there we were innocently sitting there eating our pizza when R looks to the left and sees a startling and unsettling scene. Staring at us in a stalking stance was a herd of approximately 25 to 50 cats. Actually, the ones we did see were just the scouts but we could feel the eyes of the entire herd upon us. R said, "OMG, look Sue!" Flashback of Alfred Hitchcock's, "The Birds!" Only with cats. Bravely, we had to pass through the herd to get back inside. I am thankful to report neither of us sustained any life threatening injuries in our retreat.

Meet Dawn and Twilight

2009-03-02T14:24:00.003-05:00

R and I take our sister act on to the road again. It takes two of us to drive. One to steer and the other to navigate. My job is to read road signs. There are these cautionary road signs to warn of donkey crossings much like the deer crossing signs we have in Pennsylvania. One such sign says what it says above. I read the sign saying, "Donkey Crossings. Dawn and Twilight," to which R responded, "The donkey's name are Dawn and Twilight? The donkeys have names?" I immediately exclaimed, "I can't believe you just said that!" We were laughing so hard our eyes were watering making it impossible to see if any donkeys were crossing the road or not!

Dodging Bullets Hawaiian Style

2009-02-28T14:38:00.004-05:00

Last evening, we settled down to recoup from our busy day. All of a sudden we hear POP, POP, KABOOM! KABOOM! I was about to look out of the window by parting the drapes, but my sis screamed at me to get away from the windows. It could be gun fire. She hit the deck. So there we were crawling around on the floor to avoid what sounded like explosions and shooting bullets. I crawled to the phone and dialed the front desk to inquire if there was any firework display and the operator said no. None at our resort. At my sis' insistence, I urged the operator to call the police. She reassured me that she would call us back. That left us in a quandary wondering where the safest place for us to cower away from any windows would be. We were trying to decide which bathroom would be the best when the phone rang. By this time, the explosions sounded louder and more insistent. R answered the phone with "Call the police! We are under attack!" At which time, the operator informed us that the Hilton across the street was having a firework show. I missed seeing the most amazing sight of my life because we were crouched on the floor dodging non existent bullets! We have never laughed so hard in our life!

Aloha

2009-02-27T01:45:00.003-05:00

I've been up since 3:30 AM to catch an 8 o'clock flight to Honolulu which took 7 hours from Phoenix. My sis and I had lunch over our two hour delay and boarded a smaller Hawaiian Air plane for a 40 minute jaunt to Kona on the Big Island. While awaiting take off, there was a delay necessitated by one last passenger. Amid a flutter of activity involving Special Agents and a small motorcade on the tarmac, we watched President George Bush get out of a limo and embark on our plane. We were 6 rows behind him but his bodyguards buffered him from prying eyes and our attempts at documenting our encounter with photos. I was impressed that he used a public airliner and was not on a private jet.

Travel Inspirations

2009-02-24T09:28:00.004-05:00

I found my travel journal to pack for my Hawaiian Adventure. It took me back reading posts from previous excursions. I found this poem I wrote while flying from London to Edinburgh, Scotland:

Dollops of Cool Whip as seen from above.

Searching for polar bears in layers of gauze.

Spun cotton candy without hint of hue.

Wispy tendrils of air holding on to sweet dew.

Downwards we drop over moss covered rocks.

Upon highlands and lowlands,

The Land of the Scots.

I hope Hawaii will inspire me as well.

Taking Our Act On the Road

2009-02-20T22:41:00.002-05:00

Busyness precludes silliness. I've been too busy to be silly. But with a road trip in the offering with my sister and I coming up next week, I am sure there will be ample opportunity for Murphy's Law to take effect. Even blind naked mole rats have an advantage over us since they are endowed with their own natural instincts. My sis and I were born with developmental topographical disorientation Neither one of us has any sense of direction, so it is always an adventure for us to maneuver to any given location. If we ever get to where we are suppose to go, look for fireworks. If we don't find it, look for flares.

Throne Ponderings

2009-02-18T10:35:00.004-05:00

Yesterday, I sat upon a "U" shaped toilet seat and tried to recall if my toilets at home were "U" or "O" shaped. I decided I definitely remember them being "O" configured but I do remember growing up with "U" shaped seats when I was a child. When did the "U's" turn into the "O's" and why did this happen? Wouldn't the usage of toilet paper be more easily facilitated if seated on a "U"? (I couldn't bring myself to say wiping oneself cause that sounds gross.) Oh, the things one ponders while sitting upon a throne.

Clank, Clank

2009-02-17T13:17:00.004-05:00

Here I thought us retiring baby boomers had the dementia market cornered, however, the more blogs I read, the more I realize there are loons and buffoons in every age category. I am not so sure how I feel about this revelation. In some ways, I am reassured that my reality is still intact enough, despite the slippage of gears and wheels, to maintain a decorum of normalcy. On the other hand, I fear for the up and coming generations, for they may have a jump start into the ludicrous category. Or are they placating me with their attempts at lunacy, to make me feel better? If so, it worked. Sort of. Kinda. Maybe. And why are you wearing that hat made out of tin foil?

No Venison Please

2009-02-16T07:15:00.003-05:00

Instead of Beef and Beer, I fear Deer and Beer events will be springing up locally around Valley Forge National Historic Park. Unfortunately, the deer population has gotten so out of control, it is endangering the natural forest's ability to regenerate. The sad solution may involve sharp shooters, sorry to say. My idea would be deer rescue by allowing them to graze upon lawns thus eliminating lawn mower pollution. You see, I have yet to recover from the trauma caused by the loss of Bambi's mother.

Post Tramatic Glycemic High

2009-02-15T19:04:00.005-05:00

I survived yet another Valentine's Day without succumbing to a sugar induced coma, even though I over indulged in my chocoholic obsession. How hard is to to diet with such sinful sugary sweets seducing sensibilities? Impossible! Unfortunately, I am not one to ration out one piece at a time over the next month. I find it necessary to gorge myself until gone. By tomorrow, I will have accomplished this goal. How many more days until Easter?

~~Happy Valentine's Day~~

2009-02-14T07:35:00.003-05:00

Roses are red.

Violets are blue.

If you read my blog,

I'll read your's also.

Trash Talk

2009-02-13T12:48:00.004-05:00

A few days ago, I made reference to that "stinky, stinky, stinky, hefty, hefty, hefty" commercial and ever since then 15 people have looked that up on Google and found their way to my blog. I can't help but to wonder if they were disappointed to find their way here. Why would that commercial have such a following in the first place as it is so very annoying? Maybe Friday the 13 th has something to do with this. People are afraid to leave their homes so are doing mindless Internet searches thinking it is a far safer thing to do than going to work. I hope tomorrow on Valentine's Day these people have better priorities in store than researching for stinky hefty bags. May all your Hefty bags smell sweet. May all your stinkiness be discreet. May all your Valentine wishes come true so that love and happiness will be finding you.

Fantasy on High

2009-02-12T08:33:00.005-05:00

If a dolphin, a whale and a shark were to race, which one would win? I just witnessed said event and it is still unclear to me which one came out on top. Well, actually they all were on top as the aforementioned racers were performing their race among the clouds. Cloud watching is one of my more idyllic pastimes which is highly intensified on a windy day such as this. Wistfully I watch, observing the clouds perform their own unique choreography much to my amazement. My dolphin, whale and shark have since dissolved into oblivion much like a well shaken giant etch a sketch. A new cast of characters have appeared. Now it is up to me to return to a childlike state of mind to witness another brilliant display of Mother Nature's finest productions. Oh look....there's a crab!

I Can't Believe My Eye!

2009-02-10T20:13:00.004-05:00

I just witnessed the worst combination of TV commercials made possible. They have besmirched my beloved American Idol with their annoyance. The first was H & R Block with those freaky people with one eye that I can't even bear to look at. The second was "stinky, stinky, stinky, hefty, hefty, hefty". Almost as bad as that Head On commercial. I will not be taking my hefty bags to H & R Block any time soon, that's for sure! Unless they promise to fill those bags with money. Then I might reconsider.

Canine Servitude

2009-02-10T08:30:00.005-05:00

As much as I abhor the mere thoughts of slavery, I have become a willing participant into it's loathing state of self denial. Yes, I put my dogs highest on my list of priorities. It used to be my kids, but they've moved on, so I have substituted a fur covered variety instead. I am at their bark and call. It used to be the phone that I felt compelled to answer at all times, in case it was some dire emergency, but that was before caller ID. Now, however, if my dog barks to get let out, no matter what I may be doing at the time, I will jump over hurdles and through hoops to open the door. I am also a sucker for that Pet Me, Feed Me, Play with Me look. As much as I know that my world is vast and complex, I know their world centers around me. And at the end of the day, that is all that really matters.

Homeland Security

2009-02-09T09:15:00.003-05:00

Sometimes, I hear an airplane or helicopter that in my esteemed estimation sounds to be flying too low. This is not based on anything scientific just purely decibel levels. The louder it is, the closer it must be. I hold my breath and listen intently, willing the plane to advance altitude so at least it won't crash in my neighborhood. I am proud to announce that this works. I continue to live in a no crash zone. Perhaps I should keep this under wraps, as I'd hate to be drafted to D.C.

Shattered Image

2009-02-08T22:28:00.002-05:00

I have an affliction. Only one you might ask? I'll leave the others for another day. What I am admitting to today is the fact that I can only wink one eye. It is quite obvious to me that my left eye is far superior to my right. I am trying to think of a politically correct term to use so my right eye does not take offense. Wink deficient? Wink deprived? Eye lid malfunction? Anti-flirt syndrome? Weak levitus lifter? (I made that one up.) Malnourished eyeball? Oh well, at least I can blink both eyes and for that I am most thankful.

The Girls Day Out

2009-02-06T20:35:00.002-05:00

Wednesday, I preformed my annual pilgrimage. I followed all the rules, no deodorant, no powder, no lotion. It had snowed the night before, so I had to dig out my car. I allowed extra time to get there not knowing the condition of the roads. I reached my destination safe and sound. I had a questionnaire to fill out requiring me to remember back to the first day of my curse. I also had to remember how many children I had. I think I aced that one. Somethings are harder to forget than others. Childbirth being one of them. I put on the required blue gown with the opening in the front. After that, it was a blur of flattening, squishing and holding my breath. I was told to get dressed and go home. Two days later, I notice the girls are tender. Then I remembered the agony I put them through. But you know what? I'm glad I did to have the peace of mind that I can continue to have custody of the twins. I encourage others to follow suit. The cartoon is a way to prepare yourself for the film debut of Gladys and Erma. Or whatever your names for them may be.

Invisible Me

2009-02-04T20:35:00.002-05:00

I must be taking myself too seriously lately because I have not laughed since the Super Bowl commercials. My yin and yang, Cheesh and Chong and gin and sing are out of sync. The proof of the pudding is a new crop of fever blisters smack dab front and center beneath my snozola. Surely I am not yucking it up sufficiently enough to be healthy. I feel like a self conscience, insecure adolescent with bad acne. I slather on Abreva to no avail. The good news is once you hit sixty, you become invisible and no one looks at you anyway.

Must Dust?

2009-02-03T09:22:00.004-05:00

Why does a dusting of snow outdoors look so much prettier than a dusting of dust indoors? Then there is the dusting of gray in hair that makes one looks sophisticated. A dusting of powdered sugar on donuts is yummy. There is the Dust Bowl, magic dust, fairy dust, Dust in the Wind, dust mites, star dust, angel dust and the biblical reference of dust to dust. Keeping track of dust is an unrelenting process. What I dust now will become dusty again tomorrow so I think I would rather watch the snow fall and not worry about it for today.

2009-01-31T18:52:00.005-05:00

Accumulating years should not mean decelerating gears. I need to rev up my rever upper in any way possible. Healthy eating, vitamins, exercise and mnemonics. Yes, that's right, I need to trick my brain to remember. By making it fun and challenging. How else could I remember how many days in a month or when "i" comes before "e"? I could have never remembered the order of cranial nerves without first learning, "On Old Olympus Towering Tops, A Famous Vocal German Viewed Some Hops." These days, I try to remember names by associating absurd visuals in combinations so bizarre as to leave a lasting impression. So if I get hysterical when introduced to you, you will know why. What was your name again?

Growing Up

2009-01-30T10:02:00.001-05:00

"You grow up the day

you have your first

real laugh at yourself."

~Ethel Barrymore~

How Now Brown Cow

2009-01-28T20:36:00.000-05:00

On the radio today, I heard about a study that claims if you give a name to a cow, she will give more milk than a cow without a name. The controversy about this theory is the premise that giving a name to a cow would imply better care. What disturbs me the most is that a study was conducted about this in the first place and that I'd even end up writing about it.

I've Been Rocked!

2009-01-27T08:51:00.000-05:00

For days now, a song has been playing over and over in my head. Thanks Walmart! Freddie Mercury must be rolling over in his grave. I do like the song and never really listened to the words other than the chorus....We will, we will rock you! I wake up singing this song! I go to bed singing this song! Enough rocking already!

~Happy Ox Year~

2009-01-13T10:19:00.015-05:00

This is New Year's Eve if you go by the Chinese Calandar.
The Ox, or the Buffalo sign symbolizes prosperity through fortitude and hard work. Those born under the influence of the Ox or Buffalo are fortunate to be stable and persevering. The typical Ox is a tolerant person with strong character. Not many people could equal the resolution and fearlessness that the Ox exhibits when deciding to accomplish a task. Ox people work hard without complaints at work or at home. They know that they will succeed through hard work and sustained efforts, and do not believe in get-rich-quick schemes.

President Obama was born in the Year of the Ox. Go oxen!

How Long Does Clean Last?

2009-01-13T10:19:00.014-05:00

Today I gave my dogs a bath. It was mild for a winter's day so thought it perfect for the occasion. I used dog shampoo with green tea and conditioner with oatmeal. After which I blew them dry with the dog drier which has the power to launch hairballs into outer space. They both looked so clean as to sparkle. Then I went to work. When I came home, I was told Moose rolled in the mud. Why was that allowed to happen? It would have been prevented on my watch. I must now go survey the damage. I am hoping a good brushing will suffice.

Time Warp

2009-01-13T10:19:00.013-05:00

I just noticed the date on the webpage shows January 13th so I hit refresh. Same date. I am in a time warp it appears. It does not take much to confuse me. Obama is no longer President. Bush is. I am having a nightmare! Please, someone wake me up! Of course, by the time anybody reads this, it will probably be fixed.

Proud American

2009-01-13T10:19:00.011-05:00

Watching yesterday's historic Washington proceedings made my breast swell with pride! But not enough to qualify for a larger bra size unfortunately. I was so very impressed with how well orchestrated everything was. For that many people to gather on the mall without one incident of arrest speaks well of our citizenry. In such crowded circumstances, you'd expect someone to step on somebody's foot or something to start up a confrontation but no one allowed such unpleasantness to sully the occasion. The speech was legendary, the parade well rendered and well received, the gala balls were incredulous and the news coverage what we've come to expect as complete and thorough. The day shone like a beacon for other countries to admire and hope to emulate. All in all, the event appeared seamless and well planned to the minutest of detail. I couldn't have planned a better party myself! I bet even Martha Stewart was envious. God bless America and Obama! He has his work cut out for him!

Arm Chair Historian

2009-01-13T10:19:00.008-05:00

Even though I did not receive an invitation to the Inauguration, I can honestly say I would NOT want to be among the throngs of 2 million spectators to witness Barack Obama take his oath of office. I cannot fathom walking that far in freezing temperatures in such crowded conditions and using one of those hundreds of porto potties. I would much prefer to watch the history making event in the comfort of my own home, thank you very much. I hope Barack and Michelle will not hold that against me.

Silly As Putty

2009-01-13T10:19:00.007-05:00

I never thought I'd see the day when I would like to think of my brain as silly putty. But it is true. It is healthy for our brains to have plasticity. It is my mission to make my brain as plastic as possible. A plastic brain is a learning brain. I want my neurons to be happy and childish. And that is the way playing with silly putty makes me feel.

How Cold Is It?

2009-01-13T10:19:00.005-05:00

I heard tell on the TV yesterday that if you freeze a banana at -15 degrees for 5 hours, you can hammer a nail into wood with it. It's not quite cold enough to do that here so I'm just throwing it out there in case it is cold enough to try this out somewhere else. You never know when one needs to build something with a frozen banana hammer.

Easily Amused

2009-01-13T10:19:00.004-05:00

While sipping my coffee this AM, I was watching the snow fall. The flakes are so very tiny and minuscule, they do not fall straight down but meander here and there much like dust motes in sunshine. At any rate, for some unknown reason, I found this to be quite fascinating. To hone in on the mundane, can be a very relaxing process which elicited in me the desire to hunker down to ride out the storm. However, according to the weather forecast, I will not get snowed in but the temperature is so cold out there I wish I were.