Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Could Happen to Anybody

Well, it did not warrant a big belly shaking guffaw accompanied by chortles and cackles with tears streaming down my face, but it did elicit a little smile and chuckle just the same. Yesterday, when I realized my shoe lace had come untied, I bent over to tie my shoe, when I noticed I was wearing two different sneakers. No big deal. No one noticed but me and it wasn't like it was a high heel and a cowboy boot or something. Now that would have been much funnier. Just goes to show I'm still human after all.

Friday, March 27, 2009

Veggie Vexation

I used to plant a vegetable garden when the kids were young. My mother grew up on a farm, so naturally had a green thumb, but it was not passed on to me. I thought children should witness the miracle of growth. Unfortunately, weeds grow too and I could not convince them it was fun to pull weeds, although they did like to play with the garden hose, primarily to squirt one another. With the price of food going up, I decided it was time to try once more. Seeds were bought and sewn in a small flat covered with a pane of glass. Only time will tell if I am a worthy weed opponent.

Monday, March 23, 2009

Assets vs. Asses

All this talk about "toxic assets" has me stymied. Even after listening to various so called experts trying to explain it, I am still left scratching my head. One journalist claimed to break it down to the simplest level by the use of apples being affected by worms. You didn't know what you had until you cut into it. If bank held houses were compared to apples, does that mean some houses had termites? See what I mean? Sounds like comparing apples to oranges to me. Now toxic asses I can relate to. I can only admit to being married to one, cause I know he doesn't read my blog. And if he does, I'll soon find out.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Boys Will Be Boys

I was privy to a conversation between brothers aged 11 and 6. Having two sons of my own, I was not shocked by the content of subject matter. Grossology and boys go hand and hand. The gist of it went something like this: if you had to eat one or the other, which would you rather eat, puke or poop? The older boy wanted to know what was in the vomit. If it contained hot dogs, then definitely he would go for it. Than the younger brother devised one of his own. What would you rather eat: a stinky skunk or your own foot? At the time, I was not in the mood for fun and games, so replied I did not have time to waste thinking about such silly nonsense. Now, I regret I did not make the time. Life is too fleeting and I would definitely not eat my own foot.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

I'm Disturbed Enough Already

I have been made to feel a bit disturbed about a few things of late. One is a commercial I just witnessed showing two pigs dining out on ham of all things! That's just wrong! Then, there is the possible outlawing of Brazilian wax jobs in New Jersey. What's with that? It's a good thing that I live in Pennsy. That's all I'm saying. On top of everything else, the government is looking in to Robotic Dogs! Has anyone else watched the bigdog clips on youtube? This is freaky stuff! It looks like two headless guys carrying a couch! And that hideous buzzing it makes sound like a bee swarm from hell! I fear going to sleep tonight, in case my nightmares will be even scarier than reality.

Picnic Sign Up Sheet

I was wondering what new claim to fame would top my seeing George Bush Jr. on a plane in Hawaii. Prior to that, I laid claim to once shaking Hilliary Clinton's hand when her husband was still in office. Other than that, my life has been pretty humdrum, until the other day. I made a reference to one of my favorite bloggers Vic 's immense crowd of crazed lunatic followers as Vic's Chicks & Dicks and Vic picked up on that and created Vic's Chix & Dix. I think this would look exceptionally good on tee shirts which we all could wear on our annual Vic's Chix & Dix Fan Club Picnic which should be scheduled very appropriately on April Fool's Day, don't you think? We should start signing up for what each of us should contribute. Put me down for the Styrofoam cups. Vic's neighbor will supply the bananas. Nuff said.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Lost in Space

Did anyone else see the news segment about that treasure hunter who claims to have discovered a sunken ship using Google Maps and is petitioning the courts for the rights to excavate? It boogles my mind to think the time I spend online could be put to better use by searching for buried treasures. Who knows what fortunes I may have discovered by now? If anyone else has such skills to hone in on lost artifacts, please consider looking for my lost car keys that dh misplaced while I was away on vacation. I've been home a week and still have not located them yet. Just asking.

Friday, March 13, 2009

Mom Morphing

When I was growing up, I was always told that I took after my father with my big brown eyes, so I am not so sure when I started to morph into becoming my Mom. Whenever I visit my Mom in the Medical Facility of the Lifetime Community Center, which she so looked forward to moving into, everyone recognizes me without being told that I am her daughter. Truth be told, this makes me sad, because my own Mother does not recognize me anymore. Strangers know what she has forgotten. But she is happy, comfortable, and well cared for without a care in the world, so it would appear. As I bid farewell today and looked into her face so much like my own, I told her "I love you, Mom. Now, what do you say back?" Expecting her to say, I love you too, I was taken aback when she looked hopeful that she came up with the right response, "Merry Christmas?" Yes, Mom, Merry Christmas to you too.

Monday, March 9, 2009

Mad Mad Libber on Loose

I received this weird e-mail offering weekly revenues of 1 to 3k per week. Why would anyone want to do any business with someone who would include this strange post?

"Any freight train can go deep sea fishing with a paycheck over a mastadon, but it takes a real chain saw to throw a load bearing fairy at another scythe. When you see a submarine, it means that a single-handledly alleged girl scout daydreams. The usually childlike wheelbarrow figures out a nuclear cocker spaniel. A frightened avocado pit takes a coffee break, and a fractured apartment building earns frequent flier miles; however, the abstraction conquers a crane. Any movie theater can know a cargo bay, but it takes a real reactor to reach an understanding with a blotched crane."

Saturday, March 7, 2009

Paradise Lost

Unfortunately, all good things must come to an end, vacations not withstanding. It was a very lovely vacation which I can remember fondly. I would love to go back someday. Aloha, Hawaii and mahalo.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Cat Stampede

R and I took our dinner out to the lanai to eat where it was very peaceful and serene.We had seen one or two feral cats so knew that they were there. R said we must never feed these cats or we would never get rid of them. So there we were innocently sitting there eating our pizza when R looks to the left and sees a startling and unsettling scene. Staring at us in a stalking stance was a herd of approximately 25 to 50 cats. Actually, the ones we did see were just the scouts but we could feel the eyes of the entire herd upon us. R said, "OMG, look Sue!" Flashback of Alfred Hitchcock's, "The Birds!" Only with cats. Bravely, we had to pass through the herd to get back inside. I am thankful to report neither of us sustained any life threatening injuries in our retreat.

Monday, March 2, 2009

Meet Dawn and Twilight

R and I take our sister act on to the road again. It takes two of us to drive. One to steer and the other to navigate. My job is to read road signs. There are these cautionary road signs to warn of donkey crossings much like the deer crossing signs we have in Pennsylvania. One such sign says what it says above. I read the sign saying, "Donkey Crossings. Dawn and Twilight," to which R responded, "The donkey's name are Dawn and Twilight? The donkeys have names?" I immediately exclaimed, "I can't believe you just said that!" We were laughing so hard our eyes were watering making it impossible to see if any donkeys were crossing the road or not!